Great Leap Forward

More News You Cannot Make Up: Donald Trump is NOT the Love Child of an Orangutan

Sorry for the distraction, but you know I just cannot resist news so bizarre as to be unbelievable. So here is yet another one.

It turns out that The Donald has produced a birth certificate to prove that he’s not the love child of an orangutan.

Who would’ve known?

Now, I presume that most prominent humans would not have to do this. Bill Maher explains why The Donald’s lawyer had to supply the birth certificate to squelch the rumors:

During the last week of the presidential campaign last year, Donald Trump, who previously had been a one issue candidate obsessed with Obama’s birth certificate, announced that he would give five million dollars to charity if Obama produced his college records – because a black guy getting into college? Something fishy there.

So, playing on the fact that the only other thing in nature with the same color hair as Trump’s is the orange haired orangutan, I joked that Donald Trump needed to show me his papers to prove he wasn’t hiding a bad secret about his birth – this is known as “parody,” and it’s a form of something we in the comedy business call a “joke.” Naturally, I also aped, if you will, Trump’s offer of money to a charity of his choosing, which I identified as the Hair Club for Men. This upset the Donald so much they could barely get him to stop flinging his feces.

Scott Balber, Trump’s Lawyer sent Maher a letterĀ that read: “Attached hereto is a copy of Mr. Trump’s birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son of Fred Trump, and not an orangutan.”

You would think that would settle the matter. Not quite. First it was not actually a birth certificate but rather a short-form version much like the one that President Obama submitted, and that Trump rejected as proof of birth. So, if we do not believe that the President is not an alien, we should not believe that Trump is not an orangutan. Got that? Second, now Trump is suing Maher for the $5 million he is supposed to donate to the Hair Club for Men–for breach of contract!

Hey, this is America, folks. So you just can’t make up stuff. Read more here:

And if you have not done so already, you really should see the documentary on Trump that I blogged about some time ago: You’ve Been Trumped:

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